Friday Digital Roundup
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10 Incredibly Annoying Facebook Actions That I Would Ban if I Could
Ahh, Facebook, Facebook. You’re the world’s largest social media network.
You’re still driven by nosey neighbours, images, videos and events.
You’re certainly a force to be reckoned with and despite rumours of teens leaving in droves, friends vowing to use it less, and the rise of Snapchat and other new guys on the block – you’re still on top.
I have to admire you, Facebook. And your head honcho, Zuckerberg. You’ve kept us engaged and addicted for over 10 years! Now in your 12th year, you’re more popular than ever.
But… I have some real issues with you, Facebook… some REALLY ANNOYING issues with you actually.
Often I just look at my timeline and sink my head into my hands. I want to close the laptop, delete the app, or worse – update my status and tell everyone I’m leaving you (we’ve all been there).
So I’m having a rant about you. #SorryNotSorry. Here goes:
Facebook has a really great way of showing up the fools amongst us and brings out the worst in many.
Facebook’s timeline is like a stream of stupidity at times and many times I’ve just wanted to update my status in some sort of subliminal, vague update – but that’s one of the things I hate about it!
So, because I feel it’s more scientific (honestly, I’ve researched it and everything), I’m going to rant here instead… and then post it on Facebook in the hope they see the error of their ways. If you happen to be mates with Zuckerberg, let him know, yeah?
10 Incredibly Annoying Facebook Actions That I Would Ban if I Could
Right. Let’s kick off with 2016’s newest social media spam – tagging. Years ago when you were tagged in a post with some other people you were usually sat across from them in a bar and were having a great time.
Now? Oh no… now it’s all changed. Now we’re tagged with 67 others in a post which bears little relevance to you right now and is an attempt to market something or gain some interest in a craft fair or some shit.
STOP IT! I have the timeline review on and I don’t accept these posts to my timeline… and I even remove the tag, too!
The problem: I have more notifications to deal with. I have more pointless red symbols on my iPhone. I’m added into random conversation I have no real interest in and when someone else tagged in it shares it – it starts all over again!
Solution: Only tag people who are really with you or are actively involved in the status you’re talking about.
Yes, I know I’m moaning here – but it’s scientific, ok?! I’m talking about these guys:
“OMG what a day….” *Dramatic pauses and lack of information as they await sympathy. Really rock solid social media right there.
“Some people really need to grow up” *Fails to tell us anymore in the hope we inbox them.
“Why do I have all the bad luck?” (Because you spend more time updating Facebook than you do improving your life? Just a hunch.)
“It’s days like today that I’m glad I have my friend Sarah” … Erm OK. Thanks for that. Are you after more friends like her? Or is this a public display of your love for her? That’s cute.
Honestly… just stop. Social media is a great place to chat and connect and I’ll be honest here – I used to vague post like this. Did it work? No. It’s far better to pick up the phone or inbox someone who gives a crap rather than spreading your woes in the timeline.
Problem: You look like a sad, miserable needy moaner.
Solution: Inbox your bestie and keep this shit off our timelines.
I love the occasional good game on the Xbox. Yes, I have the odd few games on my iPhone and I’ve played a few on Facebook in the past too.
But it’s just not acceptable to keep asking me to help you level-up by joining you on a game I don’t have.
It’s not OK to send me game requests when we’ve not even spoken on Facebook for three years.
It’s not cool to play games all day on Facebook… especially if you’re in business. There. I said it. If you’re in business and you play Facebook games you’re not going to seem very committed. Relaxing is good; wasting time isn’t.
Problem: Games are traditionally for kids and putting it all over Facebook makes me think you need to grow up or at least find something more productive to do with your time.
Solution: Start poking people. Yup – that’s actually better than sending game requests. It’s THAT bad!
Copy and pasting updates
Most people won’t copy this onto their profile. Most will just skim past it. But I wanted to spam up your timeline anyway… as I’m not like most people.
Better safe than sorry. Facebook are taking all our data, our children, our money, your grandparents and if you don’t copy and paste this message it’ll happen to you. No wait; they’re going to start charging us for using Facebook. No wait; Facebook will cure cancer if you copy and paste this message.
Look. Stop copying and pasting junk updates because someone tagged you in another one. You won’t get seven years’ bad luck, scurvy or eternal acne! It’s a 21st Century chain letter and it’s making you look dumb.
Just scroll past them, untag yourself and pretend you never saw it. If you want to change the world, volunteer for a charity and post a selfie doing it or something.
Problem: You look as foolish as all the others. We’ve seen some of our other friends post it already and we know you’re now as gullible as them.
Solution: Change the world, join the army, donate, start a charity, write a letter to your local MP. Just stop copying and pasting pointless updates.
… Oh and while I’m on this: Facebook won’t steal all your information so you don’t need to post a pointless update to stop them. Here’s the deal – if it’s on Facebook, Facebook own it already! Yes, all your photos and everything. They can do whatever they want with it. If you’re not paying for it, you ARE the product.
Stop being stupid with your data. Here’s the deal. To get hacked on Facebook you mostly have to sign into something with your profile. When a post says “Allow XXX to post on your behalf” be very careful about accepting it unless you really want that to happen.
No, it’s not going to get your bank details (although if you have a card attached it might) but it will make you look really lapse with your security and if you’re an upstanding member of the community or a business person you’re going to look rather foolish!
So next time you want to view that video (yes that rubbish click bait video which you know will disappoint you anyway) and you have to log in to see it… just walk away and have a little think about what you just tried to watch. OK?
Problem: Getting hacked is a pain in the arse and makes you look very silly.
Solution: Stop clicking, start thinking! Most hacking is avoidable and you’re the common denominator in all this.
Linking from your Twitter
Twitter is great. Unlimited updates all day like a newsfeed of drivel in 140 characters or less. I love Twitter, but most of it is total crap. If I want that, I go to Twitter, and I do all the time.
But then someone links their Twitter feed with their Facebook timeline and every update posts to Facebook including a retweet of something full of hashtags. Oh. My. God! Stop this madness!
Post updates of relevance to your friends. Update your every move on Twitter. That’s how it works. I don’t make the rules; I just try to educate in them. They’re different platforms.
Problem: Your non-Twitter friends don’t know what you’re on about. Your Facebook becomes too busy and you risk losing people to the constant drivel.
Solution: Click here and turn it off. You’re welcome.
Adding me to groups I have no interest in
Groups on Facebook are really useful and with the constant noise, they can really add some value ensuring I get to see the updates. BUT. Please stop adding people to your group like some ladder-liking-desperate-building attempt at Facebook domination.
If I want to join your group, I will. If you add me I’ll presume you’re in need of more people and presume it’s crap. By all means encourage folk to invite their friends but mass adding (including adding me back in when I removed myself!) is totally spammy!
Problem: Facebook is busy. Don’t add more noise to people’s timelines without their agreement.
Solution: Ask the people in the group to invite people who would really like to be a part of what you’re building. Tell them why they should join.
Inviting me to like your business page right after we become friends
This really gets my goat. I don’t why, but I like to wait a little bit, like more than five minutes, before I try to get someone I met on social to do something. It’s a bit like being sent a PDF in an automated LinkedIn message or an auto DM on Twitter asking me to download something or other.
Stop being so straight to the point and take an interest in me first. Especially on Facebook. I might not be interested in your Page. Liking it really doesn’t help you or your Page. I’ll become a silent like… another silent like… another person who doesn’t care for what you post.
Problem: Upfront pushy activity makes you look sad and desperate for likes. It’s the worst possible first interaction too.
Solution: get to know your contacts first and give it some time before you start asking them to do stuff. Life’s a long game!
Sharing 428 photos of your newborn baby
Right. Here’s the deal. All babies look the same. OK. When you share 428 photos over two weeks you’re merely sharing the same photos as I’ve seen them already… from other people.
You care, and I’m super pleased your baby can now look cute with a biscuit, a teddy, a TV, a trolley, in Tesco, in your arms, your parent’s arms, the pub, the car seat, eating another biscuit, visiting grandmas (that’s twice this week), and aww so cute in the tiny little new hat.
Look. You care, and of course I care… just not 428 times or as much as you do.
Problem: You’re a newborn baby bore and because it’s amazing what you did no one is brave enough to tell you to stop posting. Unless you’d print every single one of those photos – just keep them for yourself, OK? Share the best.
Solution: Just look at your baby and accept how amazing and unique they are… without the need for likes and comments on a social media platform to back it up.
Stop posting one line updates to lure me in for chain updates
“No toilet paper? Goodbye socks!”
Seriously, the first time I saw that it was posted by a mate from a warehouse job and I actually lol’d! But then I got an inbox message (copy and pasted) telling me I had to then choose an status update from a list and then post that and then whoever liked or commented on it had to then do the same.
Piss off! No. No I won’t do that. Social media is great for connections and community. All that does is make a joke of a very powerful platform. I won’t do what you tell me to do and I won’t be copying and pasting anything.
Be you. Be unique and use social media as a tool for communication not to please some jerk who came up with another copy and paste chain letter for social.
The only slight exception to this is when it’s something like the ice bucket challenge or the 22 push up challenge which is to raise awareness of important charities. If it’s a bit difficult or is doing something good for the world, then fair enough, I say!
Problem: You’re a sheep.
Solution: Don’t be a sheep, ignore the inbox message to copy and paste anything and move along…
Social media is busy enough as it is… give it a rest!
I love you Facebook and I spend way too much time with you. I bet I do things that annoy people with you at times but at least they’re all my own inventions and have an actual message behind them.
I come to you Facebook to be updated and entertained; not spammed, tricked or annoyed by your users’ stupidity because they tried to watch some dirty porn movie starring Kim Kardashian and were so desperate they gave away all their log in details (and dignity!).
Facebook you’re 12 years old and constantly upgrading to make sure I don’t get annoyed, bored and move on to another love. If I was in charge of you, I would ban all these things.
I’m sorry, I still you though. x
What would you ban on Facebook to make it better for you?
Let me know now in the comment what parts of Facebook really get your goat! Let’s rant together…
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